I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
