I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
