i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When are your genitals available?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
