He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
