Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
