Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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