How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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