i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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