If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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