I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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