Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
