: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
