New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
