David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
