it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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