I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
