WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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