how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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