STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
