I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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