He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize