the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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