Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize