k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
where does the pee come out of this thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize