At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
