Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
