she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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