I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
