Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
