I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
