i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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