I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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