Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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