Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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