Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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