Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
