I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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