Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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