I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
