Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
