Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
