I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
