I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
