Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is wine microwaveable?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
