Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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