I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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