he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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