CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
