Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
