I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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