anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
