Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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