I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
