i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
