i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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