Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
