My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
