i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
