remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
