He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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