Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
