I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
