Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize