Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
