I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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