the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
