4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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